We Got The Baby. I’m Still Healing.
I am a mom now. But if I am being honest, (which I LOVE to be) there are still parts of me that haven’t caught up with that fact.
We started trying for a baby 2 years before starting IVF. Two years of hoping, tracking, crying. Two IUSs. One egg retrieval (thankfully). Three full rounds of IVF. And even now, holding my 2 year old son, I still carry the weight of what it took to get us here.
Even after the happy ending, some of the grief still lingers. Some of the fear still shows up.
When the Past Creeps Into the Present.
I still flinch when someone says, “We’re going to start trying soon!"
I still hold my breath at pregnancy announcements.
I still brace myself when someone asks if we will have another.
This is the part of infertility that people don’t always talk about. The way that it still sticks with you even when the world sees you as “healed.”
What Helped Me Start to Heal.
Healing does not and certainly did not come all at once for me. It didn’t come just because I had the baby.
It came in glimmers.
Through therapy, reflection, and slowly letting myself feel safe again.
Here are a few CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) based skills that actually helped me and maybe might help you too.
Catching the Thought Spiral
When I noticed my thoughts jumping to the worst case scenario, or getting stuck in the unlimited number of “what ifs,” I started to learn how to slow them down.
What is this story in my mind telling me right now?
Is it true? Like 100%?
What is true at this moment?
The goal is not trying to erase or discredit the fear, but to just simply give it some good old back talk. Challenge it!
Reframing What Healing Looks Like
I used to think healing meant feeling “fine” or “over it.”
Now, I see healing as being able to function with grief, not in spite of it.
I like to remind myself:
I can love my child and still also grieve what it took to have him.
I am allowed to be angry that it was this hard.
I don’t have to rush to feel better.
Physical Movement to Move My Emotions
Grief lived in my body long after I stopped talking about it.
On hard days especially, I turn to gentle movement: stretching, walking, barre, pilates.
I don’t push myself to be “productive” in my workouts on the hard days, I focus on moving the energy out of me, a little at a time.
It’s not about fitness. The mindset should be about release.
Finding the Tiny Glimmers.
On the days I just couldn’t access joy, I started to look for the tiny glimmers.
A hot shower. A hug from my son. My husband bringing up a hot cup of coffee in the morning.
Something small that reminded me— I’m still here.
Now I teach clients to notice these moments too. Not to shut off your feelings, but to give your brain a rest while you process what hurts.
If You’re Still Carrying It Too
You’re not broken or ungrateful.
You’re not over-reacting.
You’re healing from something real, and something heavy, and something that is invisible to most people.
You are allowed to move slowly. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to be angry. And you are absolutely still allowed to need help, even after the happy ending.
This is what reproductive trauma can look like.
This is just an example of what healing can look like.
And this space— Glimmer Wellness Collective— was made to help you find your light again.
Ready to Take a Step Forward?
Right now, I offer individual counseling sessions as a Licensed Associate Counselor under the supervision of Jennifer Iacovone LPC.
If you’re navigating something heavy, or still feeling like you’re still carrying the weight of YOUR fertility journey-I’d be honored to support you. Reach out to schedule a free-15 minute consultation.