Gaining control over what is “influencing” your mental health and well-being

I am noticing that there is an abundance of messaging out there telling us how to regulate our nervous system, how to have a healthy marriage, how to raise our children and to be honest, I am finding it very overwhelming. 

I made a choice this summer to remove my personal instagram account from my phone. I needed a break from the constant comparisons and seeking validation outside of myself and my family. However, I still have my business account on my phone and I really thought nothing of it. I have a few mental health accounts that I follow and some other random accounts. But, as it happens to us all, the algorithm finds us. And, I have been inundated with accounts telling me how to feel better, be better, regulate, ignore, move my body. Honestly, it is stressing me out. I can’t add one more “ritual” to my life that will in fact fix all the problems in my life and in my nervous system.

I am someone who wants there to be peace and I want to fix any problems that arise, for good or for bad. Therefore, being given a million and one solutions to a problem that I did not realize was there is making me feel pretty overwhelmed. Do not get me wrong, most of the accounts that are popping up on my feed are great and their advice is spot on, but I am not finding it helpful. I think because I am not in control of what I am reading. It is being fed to me without my permission. When I feel an issue in my body or my mind or my relationship it is much easier to identify the issue and then seek ways that I can support myself. However, the instagram/tik tock culture is telling me there is a problem before I can identify it and then instead of finding a targeted solution, I am being told a million different ways as to how to fix the problem and find the solution. And for someone who is ready to fix all the problems, my nervous system goes into overdrive. I am ready to run home and try this or that to fix the problem, that may or may not have been there or even been an issue. 

These are just my observations and my thoughts on the whole self-help culture out there now. I know that instagram/tik tock can help us to feel less alone, we start to see that we are not the only one’s experiencing the trappings of being a wife, or a mom, or an overwhelmed millennial. However, I can not manage all the information that is coming at me and I imagine it is hard for most people to manage all the information coming at them. Our brains were not built to be constantly on or constantly fed information. We were built to be mindful of the information we are taking in, to digest and process the information and then to come up with solutions that are helpful to our targeted problem. 

In my training as a therapist, we were told that change happens within the therapeutic relationship and when the client is able to come up with the solution on their own. We are trained to guide you through the difficult process and to maybe even give you, as the client, some suggestions or directions. But, you are coming up with the solutions. This slow process of identifying a problem and creating a road map to solve it, is where lasting change happens. The quick fixes may feel good and give us a shot of dopamine (which isn’t all bad). Yet, when we pick up our phone and open our accounts and information starts coming at us without our permission and we feel like we need to do everything at once to find peace, that is when I believe we are doing more harm than good. In order to calm our nervous system, we are activating  panic mode.

People are not always ready for therapy or even feel that therapy would be helpful for them (I think most people can be helped by therapy) and finding solutions at your fingertips may be a good place to start. However, I think we can start managing how we take in this information and not just allow it to seep in our brain without taking a moment to sit with what we need. If you are not quite ready for therapy, maybe some organization of information would at the very least remind your brain and your nervous system that you are in control of what influences you and not the other way around.